Joy & Pain: Surviving the Holidays!

It’s that time of year again. The most wonderful time of the year, and sometimes the hardest time of the year. To maximize the season that arguably brings out the best in the human spirit and also causes us to possibly confront people and issues that we bury, review some tips listed below to make this season better than last season and the best yet.

1. Develop and Define your family.
Of course there are pre-existing traditions and memories within your family of origin (good or bad), however, YOU have the power to transform, redefine, and create your OWN traditions. A popular example of this is “FriendsGiving” a spin on the celebration of the Thanksgiving holiday that centers on hosting friends for a shared meal (this can also include going to a restaurant). Take on this same perspective as we move through Christmas and the remainder of this season.

2. Know Your Boundaries.
Know your limits. Not just financially or those tangible limits like how much food you can eat before becoming nauseous but know your limits emotionally. Know your limits surrounding time. How much time can you spend around others before needing a break, or time to “take a breather.” Know your limits surrounding conversation of sensitive topics. Examples of sensitive topics could be politics, relationships, religion, etc.

3. Seek to Connect.
Generally speaking during the Holiday season people are sharing, caring, and more generous than normal. Take advantage of this and INTENTIONALLY recognize the good in others. Seek opportunities to volunteer and become involved in causes greater than yourself, perspective is always helpful in adjusting feelings of pressure and stress. As it relates to your family or those who you will be around, find common bonds in general ways: a shared interest in a sports team, learning a new recipe/sharing a recipe with a family memory, sharing a popular movie/music together.

4. Commit to Doing the Work Year Long.
Although the Holiday season can bring stress, and even function as a trigger that floods you with emotions and memories; many of these reactions are a reminder of pre-existing conditions that can be addressed year long. If spending is a challenge during the Holidays work on creating and establishing a budget year long. Connect to resources in your local community that can support you in doing this, as well as learning skills for budgeting. If grief is especially difficult during the Holidays seek counseling to work through this prior to the Holidays. Also acknowledge your grief throughout the year, do not hide or bury your feelings. Lastly, engage and embrace the journey of building genuine relationships and connections throughout the year. Be intentional and explore ongoing ways to connect if you are seeking community (i.e. local church, support group, intramural team, etc). Commit to handling your emotions in healthy ways and dong the hard work that engages healing.